If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
