He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
