so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
