Even the bartender felt bad for me
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
