how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Randomize
