Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
