They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
