I just saw a hot homeless man
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
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