I think im going to throw up on grandma
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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