I think im going to throw up on grandma
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
