I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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