He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
