Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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