Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
