she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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