my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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