Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
