he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Randomize
