i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
