i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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