so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
