I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
