Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
