You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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