we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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