Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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