You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
