We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I party with great urgency now.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
