Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
