woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
