I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
