did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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