he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
