I am in a vortex of obligation.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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