were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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