There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
