Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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