you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
