i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
