I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Randomize
