I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
