I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
