P.S. I can't hear my feet
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
