11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
