Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
