Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
