Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
