Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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