im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
