apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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