It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just gift wrapped bread.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
