Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
3pm strippers are depressing
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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