It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
